Posts Tagged ‘SHARKS’

Even the Great White Shark looks tame in comparison to this beast...
Scuba divers frequently get eaten by giant ______.
(Fill in the blank: giant octopi, sharks, man-eating conchs, radioactive seahorses, etc.)
FALSE. You have a better chance of being killed by a vending machine than being eaten by a shark. Seriously. Jacques Cousteau once said that “Man, of all the animals, is the only one to consider himself a great delicacy.” Just because there are some large predatory animals living in the oceans does not mean that they are gunning for every diver that jumps in. Divers, in general, are too big and too loud (i.e. intimidating) for most creatures to consider us a food source. Not to mention that a human’s bone/muscle mass to fat ratio is darn near indigestible and definitely not appetizing, even to a great white shark. This is not to say caution be damned: I would advise against bronco riding a bull shark and parading about the sea floor with an octopus as a fashion accessory. But, to answer the question from countless co-workers, airplane seatmates, relatives, and even the little old lady who walks her chihuahua by my house every day at 9am, no, I am not concerned that something will eat me while scuba diving.
Chicks dig divers.
TRUE. Of course it helps if the diver in question is buff, tan and 22. If you are 50, hairy and can’t fit your beer gut into your wetsuit, you may find this myth to be false. Interestingly, many dive boats actually have a larger proportion of men on them than women. So, ladies, if you are looking to meet some new and interesting people, scuba might be the thing for you. If you don’t make a love connection, at least you got some good exercise and explored a bit of the incredible ocean. It’s got to be better than speed dating.
Diving is a great opportunity to do something with my husband/wife/partner/sister/brother/child/friend/good looking neighbor, etc.
MAYBE. Divers learn at different paces, so just because you and the target of your affection start out in scuba lessons together does not necessarily mean that you will progress at the same pace or enjoy the same type of diving. There is always at least one person on every dive boat whose former dive buddy just wants to sit on the beach, play golf or find the bottom of their margarita glass (repeatedly). Fear not, however, if you find yourself in this solitary predicament. Divers are a welcoming bunch. You will most likely be able to trade in your current stick-in-the-mud friend for a shiny new dive buddy who shares your interests.
All scuba diving must be dangerous.
FALSE. Divers tend to choose their most extreme scuba experiences to share with others. Tales of swimming vertically down the Devil’s Throat in Mexico or swirling in the murky Cauldron of Death in Chile make for impressive bar room stories more so than floating along in the 10 foot deep Flower Gardens. Sitting on the shallow ocean floor watching a sand eel pop its head in and out of its hole just doesn’t extract the same listener reaction as the bull shark that tore a chunk out of your fin as you escaped towards the dive boat. Scuba can be as dangerous or as benign as the diver chooses, based on the dive profile, resident critters and skill level of the diver in question. Like many things in life, there is a comfortable level to be had for everyone.
Learning to dive can turn you into James Bond or Scuba Steve.
MAYBE. If you just don’t have a cool bone in your body, no amount of bottom time will help. But, if you are looking to add a little spice to an otherwise tame existence, scuba might be for you. You’ll meet new people. You’ll have something new to talk about around the water cooler on Monday. You might even find you are motivated to go to the gym a bit more (so next time you can actually lift that tank). Note: spy gadgets and Bond-like attitude are not included in standard scuba gear.
Divers are required to have 3-day old stubble, a bad crew cut and a tattoo that says Mom.
FALSE. Yes, once upon a time scuba was reserved for the “heartiest” of humans who grunted and spat, while grabbing their god-given jewels before entering the water. Also, there was a time when most people thought the world was flat. So…has anything Nostradamus promised come to fruition lately? No? Then let’s let go of this Neanderthal notion of diving, shall we? Most dive boats hold a healthy combination of divers that are old and young, male and female, and (possibly concerningly) a wide variety of physical fitness. Scuba diving is now done (literally) on the 4 corners of the globe in every language you can name. I will say, however, that many die-hard divers have aquatic themed tattoos. Why? I have no idea, other than their conviction for the sea. I don’t have one myself, but am shopping for one now. I’m thinking a whaleshark with a wave. Maybe a Mom whaleshark.

This is not a Great White, but he plays one on TV...
Upon arrival at the dive site, the captain anchored the boat while the divemaster jumped up on the boat’s bench seat and prepared to deliver his briefing. The divemaster was long and lean, with flowing hair bleached blond by the sun. He appeared confident, even cocky, an attitude fueled by the successful execution of hundreds of shark feeds without any noticeable loss of his body parts.
“Okay, who has done a shark feed before?” No one raised their hands. “Okay, so who has gone diving in Moorea before?” Again, no one raised their hands. We were a really impressive group. “So, has anyone actually done any scuba diving anywhere?”
“We just got certified in Bora Bora,” I said proudly, an admission met with congratulations from the other divers. The divemaster’s face fell.
“Okay, so we will keep this easy. Descend directly to the bottom. I will show you where to go. Do not move around. Do not gesture or hold your hands out towards the sharks. Do not make erratic movements.” Do not pass go. Do not collect $100. Do not feel bad about pushing the diver next to you towards the shark’s open mouth if it looks like it is going to attack.
As the other divers suited up, I peered over the side of the boat into the bottomless cobalt abyss. The sky had clouded up, causing the water to appear murky and foreboding. Off the back of the boat I noticed fins breaking the surface, lots of them.
“What are those?” I asked the divemaster.
“Reef sharks. Small ones,” he said. “They know they’re gonna get fed, so they’re waiting for us. They’ll leave when the big guys show up.”
This endeavor began to look less and less like a great idea. Clearly we were expected to jump into the water with the sharks swirling on the surface, like lobsters dropped into a boiling pot of water. I envisioned the sharks heating up some drawn butter in anticipation of our entry. We geared up, preparing to take the plunge. I lingered while putting on my scuba vest, cleaning my mask, and slipping on my fins in hopes of being the last diver to jump into the water. The shark “feeder,” one of the crew members, donned a suit made of heavy woven chain designed to protect him from shark bites. The chain mail suit covered him from head to toe in medieval scuba chic. He looked like a tropical Knight of the Round Table.
The moment divers entered the water, the surface sharks disappeared. I took a giant stride off the back of the boat and instantly felt more relaxed as I soaked up the warm, 80 degree water. As we descended the visibility improved and I realized the depth was only 35 feet. The sloped, rocky sea floor undulated with deep grooves like mini canyons extending out towards deeper water. The divemaster guided our group to a point at the shallower end of one of the grooves and gestured for us to stay put. Holding a stationary position would be difficult, however, because the significant waves at the surface created a surge of water down below. With each passing wave, we floated forward and back five feet. Despite our best efforts, we could not control it; the water moved each diver with a force that flailing arms and legs just couldn’t combat.
I heard the splash as the heavily-weighted shark feeder entered the water. As he sank to the bottom about 25 feet in front of us, I noticed he held a large bag full of fish bits for feeding. A tsunami of small fish engulfed him, greedily eyeing up his bag of food as he prepared for the feeding frenzy. Sir Fish Head took a chunk of snack out of his bag and placed it on the end of a long, pointed stick, which could double nicely as a jousting lance later in the day if needed. Appearing suddenly from the blue, as if by magic, was a small black-tip reef shark. It snatched the piece of fish then like a shot disappeared back into the blue. The surrounding small fish went crazy picking up the bits of fish flesh the shark left behind.
‘Tis the season for gift giving, a time when many people stress out about purchasing the perfect present for their special someone. My family has caught on that I have a scuba affinity and so most of my gifts are ocean-themed (I get Dramamine in my stocking every year.)
Recently I was scanning the scuba catalogs for “Christmas Wish List” items and came across several pieces of “gear” of dubious purpose. Though they may look appealing on a glossy page, these trinkets are destined to be abandoned under a boat’s bench seat sometime in the future by a frustrated diver with a lighter wallet. Links to these actual products have been provided for your enjoyment.
Scuba Lobster Inn (W/Zipper) – “The most popular collection bag for lobstering.” Lobsters check in, but they can’t check out. When you are ready to eat, just unzip and boil. Comes in your choice of 4 colors, none of which you can see underwater.
Cold Water Mittens – 7mm neoprene mitts by Edge with velcro/elastic wrist closures. Warm, but not terribly useful if you need to use any fingers underwater. Plus, your little kid mittens will most likely draw the ridicule of fellow divers. Topside activities with this gear include making snowmen.
Aqua Maracas – “Shake things up next time your down! This lightweight, compact, underwater signaling device is audible over 30 feet away.” It’s a perfect complement to your Scuba Samba and guaranteed to frighten all the fish.
“Dive Naked” License Plate – Conceptually I like the idea, but in practice I would think there might be some chaffing associated with this activity. What I know for sure is that NO ONE at my place of employment needs to see me pull into the parking lot with this on my car.
5-Page Wrist Dive Slate (w/free extra pencil!) – For those who are inspired to write an entire novel while underwater or carry on a lengthy conversation on existentialism with their dive buddy. Or perhaps it is meant to capture a checklist of scuba steps: Step 1 – Inhale, Step 2- Exhale, Step 3- Inhale…People who bought this gift should have also bought the Guide to Underwater Hand Signals.
The Shark Shield – “The Shark Shield incorporates two electrodes, which project the field from the unit and thus create an invisible protective shield that surrounds the user…” Sort of like one of those canine electric fences, but for sea life. Order in the next ten minutes and we’ll include a free can of Turtle Repellent. One question: if it is invisible, how do you know its working?

Carl
My name is Carcharodon carcharias, the Great White Shark, but my friends call me Carl. I’m a recovering seal-aholic. It’s a ten step program involving less cuter food sources. The point is, I’m much more civilized that you make me out to be; we sharks are really misunderstood! I enjoy long moonlit swims and fin nipping just like any other aquatic romantic. Yeah, there was that one unfortunate incident with that surfer a few years back. But, he didn’t even taste good and I spit him out right away. Hey, we all make mistakes.
This week the Discovery Channel is running Shark Week, seven days of sensational shark shows filled with ferocity, attacks, and lots of close up teeth action (they always seem to pick the sharks that don’t floss – their mouths are way scarier.) I hear that the network is also pleading for reef conservation and appreciation of us beauties, but is this positive message getting lost among the carnage? Or, is depicting our “active” lifestyle the only way to attract viewers so that the conservation message can be delivered? Hey, we at the reef appreciate all this publicity, but keep in mind we’re not bloodthirsty monsters, but reasonable fish just looking for a snack (I personally get light-headed at the site of blood, I haven’t donated in years). Why can’t we all get along?
Shark Week link: http://dsc.discovery.com/convergence/sharkweek/sharkweek.html

Many consider the Exuma Cays to be the most beautiful chain of islands in the