Scuba Dive

The PADI and NAUI certification courses do a reasonably good job teaching scuba skills in the classroom.  It is certainly important to know how to calculate dive tables and the textbook definition of the bends.  But, I have found that some of the most important scuba diving information I know was gleaned not from a book, but rather from experience on dive boats.  Though I don’t profess to know everything, I’d like to offer a few pieces of factual information I think every new diver should be told:

• Pack your own snacks to combat unfortunate dive boat food– They are dive operators, after all, not caterers.  But, even knowing this I am still sometimes astounded at the proffered surface interval nibbles.  Melted cheese plates (we call that fondue), fruit cut with extraordinarily rusty knives and even chicken dropped not once, but three times on the boat deck before being served have made me a careful snack planner when it comes time to pack my gear for a trip.  My granola bars may be flat from their long journey, but they are infinitely better than the dive boat cookies that expired before Y2K.
• Dive boat-assigned buddies can make you want to take up knitting instead – Try as hard as you can to bring your own dive buddy; drag them kicking and screaming if you must.  Everyone on a dive boat must have a buddy, and the divemaster will pair you up with another “single” diver to accommodate this safety requirement. There is most likely a good reason that person is a “single” diver.  Reasons may include (but are not limited to): they like to swim in every direction except the one the group is moving, they feel obligated to point out every grain of sand to you during the dive, they have never actually gone diving before (they thought they were signing up for a glass bottom boat tour.)  Buy your spouse scuba lessons for Christmas if necessary.
• Be prepared with extra bits – For some reason, most dive equipment is depressed and wants to end it all by jumping off the boat.  Some may even wait until you are in the water before floating off into the great beyond.  Unless a piece of gear is taped, stapled or glued to you, it will more than likely be lost during some point of your dive career.  If an item is really important to your dive comfort or security, then always carry an extra one.  And, if you happen to see my lens cap in the bottom of your dive boat in the Seychelles, please pick it up and send it back to me.  I promise I will reimburse you for the postage.
• Let your dive interests be known – Dive operators generally want to make you happy.  You will tip the staff nicely and say good things about the company if you have an enjoyable dive.  So, if you really want to dive a certain wreck or spot a specific indigenous sea creature, mention it to the divemaster.  (And do so before the boat picks a site, drops anchor, and pushes half the divers off the back!) Don’t pout if it isn’t possible and be cognizant that the other divers on the boat may have conflicting interests, but hey, it’s worth mentioning.  Otherwise, the dive company may take you to the same old spot they always dive because no one seems to care about the destination.  (Can I tell you how many times I have dived the Oro Verde wreck in Cayman?!!)
• The non-divers in the world just don’t understand – There are two types of people in the world: divers and the rest who are unenlightened.  There are many people who will never understand why you would want to dive, thinking it too dangerous, too costly or too Darwinian.  But never fear, their hesitancy to try the sport only means one thing: more room on the dive boat for the rest of us!