Posts Tagged ‘James Bond’

Bigfoot would never be seen in the ocean - he doesn't like getting his hairy feet wet.
The myths and stories surrounding the oceans color our view of the beauty (and the horror) of the saline depths. Legends such as Ahab and the Whale, 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea, The Bermuda Triangle, Jaws, James Bond, and Jessica Alba in a wetsuit/scuba gear have all played a part in shaping our modern day perception of the seas, for better or for worse.
The idea of scuba diving in the oceans seems to elicit particularly strong opinions from most people, usually falling into two categories: “way cool” or “hell no.” Though I am probably biased, the people falling into the “hell no” category usually rely upon a scuba or ocean misconception to support their perspective. Below are some of the better ones I have heard.
I don’t want to try diving because…
“Sasquatch of the Sea may come get me.”
It is silly to think that man is aware of everything that lives in the ocean. New species are being identified all the time. But the notion that an aquatic version of Sasquatch is going to pop out from behind the next coral head is more cinema than science. Sailors swearing they saw mermaids most likely viewed narwhals. The Loch Ness Monster was a cardboard cutout. I’m not being cynical, just logical (unless of course I’m on a night dive, then all bets are off and I’m sure Nessie is right behind me.) And, if (on the off chance) a mystical beast does live in the seas, surely it has something better to do than to look for me or another diver, like avoiding photographers from the Enquirer.
“I will be eaten by a giant ______.” (Fill in the blank: octopus, shark, man-eating conch, radioactive seahorse, etc.)
Jacques Cousteau once said that “Man, of all the animals, is the only one to consider himself a great delicacy.” Just because there are some large predatory animals living in the oceans does not mean that they are gunning for every diver that jumps in. Divers, in general, are too big and too loud (i.e. intimidating) for most creatures to consider us a food source. Not to mention that a human’s bone/muscle mass to fat ratio is darn near indigestible and definitely not appetizing, even to a great white shark. This is not to say caution be damned: I would advise against bronco riding a bull shark and parading about the sea floor with an octopus as a fashion accessory. But, to answer the question from countless co-workers, airplane seatmates, relatives, and even the little old lady who walks her chihuahua by my house every day at 9am, no, I am not concerned that something will eat me while scuba diving.
“Banana hammocks and wet suits are required to go diving.”
To many, scuba garb can be more intimidating than jumping into a sea of sharks. Contrary to popular (but misinformed) belief, a nut-hugging speedo and fat-magnifying wetsuit are not required to scuba dive, though some divers do embrace the look. Most divers just wear what is comfortable to them. After all, the fish really don’t care what you look like and most dive boats are happily devoid of mirrors.
“If it isn’t the Great Barrier Reef, it isn’t worth diving.”
Talk to an enthusiastic non-diver, and they will eventually ask you if you have dived the GBR, apparently the perceived Shangri-la of diving sites against which all destinations pale. Since when did the Great Barrier Reef become the Magna Cum Laude of the diving world? Perhaps it was 30 years ago when that was the pinnacle of dive options. Times have changed, mate. Is the GBR nice? Sure. Are there other destinations across the globe that are better? Yes! A diver can explore fascinating, historic wrecks in places like the Baltic Sea and off the coast of the Carolinas. We can swim with pods of manta rays in Yap and dolphins in Puerto Rico. The Cenotes of Mexico bring a whole mystic vibe to diving while the ruins that sit in the water off of Alexandria, Egypt allow a diver to bubble inches from a Wonder of the Ancient World. The world is full of great dives, some tough, some scenic, all fantastic. Chances are, great diving exists right in every diver’s backyard, no passport needed.
“Divers all have 3-day old stubble, a bad crew cut and a tattoo that says Mom.”
I’m pretty sure that the people holding this belief also mentioned the GBR thing. Yes, once upon a time scuba was reserved for the “heartiest” of humans who grunted and spat, while grabbing their god-given jewels before entering the water. Also, there was a time when most people thought the world was flat. So…has anything Nostradamus promised come to fruition lately? No? Then let’s let go of this Neanderthal notion of diving, shall we? Most dive boats hold a healthy combination of divers that are old and young, male and female, and (possibly concerningly) a wide variety of physical fitness. Scuba diving is now done (literally) on the 4 corners of the globe in every language you can name. I will say, however, that many die-hard divers have aquatic themed tattoos. Why? I have no idea, other than their conviction for the sea. I don’t have one myself, but am shopping for one now. I’m thinking a whaleshark with a wave. Maybe a Mom whaleshark?

Sexy Cephalopod
Few creatures are as exciting to spot underwater as an octopus. They are smart and good at camouflage, so finding one is always a treat. Plus, they are just beautiful animals to see, with lots of color, shape and size variations. These creatures come in a wide range of options, some as little as an inch, some as large as 16 feet across. The octopus inhabits many diverse regions of the oceans around the world, especially coral reefs, and can exist in water depths from tidal pools all the way down to over 200 feet. For defense against predators, they hide, flee quickly, expel ink, or use color-changing camouflage. Scientists say that most of an octopus’ behavior is learned, not innate, a minor miracle since their lifespan is so darn short (5 years at the absolute most!)
There are about 300 recognized octopus species in the world, too many to cover in depth. But, some are amazing, even by octopus standards, and are worth a mention:
Mimic Octopus – This octopus only lives for 9 months, but boy it accomplishes a lot during that time. This crazy cephalopod takes on the appearance of other species to scare off predators and find food. Imagine a creature burying all but its eyes and two arms below the sand, leaving in view a long thin object with white and black bands running across the elongated body that looks just like the local sea snake. Now you’ve got the mental picture of why the Mimic Octopus is so unique. It usually imitates venomous species, like a lionfish, sea snake, or a poisonous flatfish, though people have also described it looking like a stingray, a crab, and other types of less lethal sea life. Divers can find this octopus off the Indo- Malay archipelago, especially around Sulawesi. Don’t worry though, it isn’t poisonous to humans.
Caribbean Reef Octopus – The Caribbean Reef Octopus isn’t the best looking octopus out there, but if you have been scuba diving in the Caribbean and seen an octopus, chances are this is the most likely suspect. It is common throughout the Western Atlantic, Bahamas, Caribbean and the coasts of northern South America. It is often found at night feeding on reefs and sea grass beds. They have a distinctive blue-green color with occasional mottled-brown markings. Because their blue-green skin is so reflective, they are easy to spot at night with dive lights. Like other octopus species, the Caribbean reef octopus is solitary animal and able to quickly change color using specialized cells in their skin known as chromatophores. They can weigh up to 1.5 kg, but have been known to wedge themselves into miniscule reef crevices and wreck holes.
Wonderpus Octopus – The Wonderpus Octopus has got to be the sexiest cephalopod out there, with a striking color pattern of white bars and spots over a brown-red background. It’s characterized by a small mantle (the part of the body that contains the mouth and vital organs), which is about an inch to an inch-and-a-half long, and long arms that measure about five to seven times the length of the mantle. Its patterns of spots (on the body) and stripes (on the arms) are unique to each individual adult wonderpus, making identification of a specific creature possible. Divers can find the wonderpus in shallow waters from Bali and Sulawesi north to the Philippines and east to Vanuatu, and will fare best looking for the creature when it is most active in the twilight hours of dusk and dawn. This creature is a relative newcomer to the fish identification guides, with the first identification happening only in 1980. Go ahead, say it: won-der-pus. Even its name is sexy.

Blue Ringed Octopus
Greater Blue-ringed Octopus
– No discussion about octopi could be complete without mentioning the little one we love to hate, the Blue-ringed Octopus. Unlike its southern brethren, the Blue-lined and Southern Blue-ringed octopuses that are found only in Australian waters, the range of the Greater Blue-ringed Octopus spans the tropical western Pacific Ocean. Greater Blue-ringed Octopuses can weigh between 10 and 100 grams, though the average is 55 grams. The blue-ringed octopus is the size of a golf ball, but its venom is powerful enough to kill humans, and no known antidote exists. Remember the James Bond movie Octopussy? Yes, it’s that one.
White-spotted Octopus – Humans have been watching the white-spotted octopus since 1826 when it was first spotted off the coast of Nice in the Mediterranean Sea. It spends its adult life on the ocean bottom, and although divers usually see this octopus hanging out near-shore it sometimes it can be found much deeper. This octopus has long arms, with the first arm pair being the longest and stoutest, and has shallow webbing among the arms. It also has a higher sucker count than most octopuses. This is a nocturnal creature, waiting until night to find its favorite snacks of clams and crabs. The white-spotted octopus only lives for 1-2 years after which it goes out with a “bang” (literally) after a single breeding season.
Giant Pacific Octopus – This is the big daddy of all octopi, the Giant Pacific Octopus. As the name would suggest, it is the largest species of octopus in the oceans, averaging 16 feet across and weighing an average of 120 lbs. It is also the longest lived, at 4-5 years. Divers can spot this behemoth from southern California, northward along the coast of North America, across the Aleutian Islands, and southward to Japan, though they usually hang out quite deep, typically at around 215 ft. But just because they are big doesn’t mean they are beautiful: Giant Pacific octopuses have huge, bulbous heads and are generally reddish-brown in color. Like the other members of the octopus family, though, they use special pigment cells in their skin to change colors and textures, and can blend in with even the most intricately patterned corals, plants, and rocks.

Vinnie the Venomous Fish
Great White sharks get all the press when it comes to discussion of the ocean’s deadliest killers. But, plenty of other things in the sea are just as mean and nasty, if not more so. A selection of some of my favorites:
Vinnie the Venomous Fish – Imagine being a lowly fish, armed only with the ability to school and a sense of sea humor. Now add a little venom to your arsenal, and suddenly you are a Big Bad Swimming Machine. Venomous fish like stonefish, lionfish and scorpion fish produce their own toxins then generously share it with the rest of the aquatic world via their already unpleasant spines. My favorite is the stonefish, who are at their deadliest when lying on the ocean bottom doing nothing at all except looking like…you guessed it…an ugly stone. All it takes is a passerby with a naked foot and a bad aim and bam, you get one unhappy tourist (and the fish is a little flatter for the experience as well.)
Octopussy – James Bond proved one could overcome their enemies by throwing a Blue Ringed Octopus on their face in this classic 1980’s spy movie. Theoretically I suppose this could work, though you are likely to get bitten in the process. Since it injects neuromuscular paralyzing venom that can kill a human in minutes, you won’t really get to enjoy your victory over the forces of evil for very long. Better to remove the bad guy’s shoes and point him in the direction of some stonefish instead.
They Freak Me Out On Land, Too – Sea snakes tend to favor the warm, fish-filled tropical waters that most scuba divers also like. Though shy unless provoked, a single snake produces enough poison to kill not only you, but the rest of the folks on your dive boat, too. Most are a normal snake size, but a few can grow to seven feet or more. I personally am sure that if I ran into a seven-foot sea snake while diving I would give up the sport right then and there.
Next time you are diving, don’t be surprised if you see an object looking suspiciously like a day-glo yellow Manta Ray fly by. Entrepreneurs from Wales have put on the market the Scubacraft, a strange boat/submersible combo guaranteed to please James Bond fanatics and technogeeks alike.
It’s the perfect gift for the diver who has every trinket known to man. Of course, with a $164k price tag you really have to like that diver. This product uses an internal-combustion engine to reach a dive site, then, at a touch of a button, takes the person onboard under the waves up to a depth of 100ft. There’s no pressurized cabin, so don your gear before pushing button or you’re in for a nasty bath. Computerized “automatic depth control” ensures that the Scubacraft won’t descend or climb too quickly, enabling the captain to avoid a nice case of the bends.
I’m not so sure I’m buying this device anytime soon, however. There is something to be said for the traditional scuba process of motoring out to a dive site with fellow divers on a clunky dive boat, going through the group ritual of suiting up, then returning to the boat afterwards to decompress (literally!) on the way back to the dock. I frequently find myself wanting not to speed up my scuba experiences, but rather slow them down so I can enjoy them longer.

Vinnie the Venomous Fish
Great White sharks get all the press when it comes to discussion of the ocean’s deadliest killers. But, plenty of other things in the sea are just as mean and nasty, if not more so. A selection of some of my favorites:
Vinnie the Venomous Fish – Imagine being a lowly fish, armed only with the ability to school and a sense of sea humor. Now add a little venom to your arsenal, and suddenly you are a Big Bad Swimming Machine. Venomous fish like stonefish, lionfish and scorpion fish produce their own toxins then generously share it with the rest of the aquatic world via their already unpleasant spines. My favorite is the stonefish, who are at their deadliest when lying on the ocean bottom doing nothing at all except looking like…you guessed it…an ugly stone. All it takes is a passerby with a naked foot and a bad aim and bam, you get one unhappy tourist (and the fish is a little flatter for the experience as well.)
Octopussy – James Bond proved one could overcome their enemies by throwing a Blue Ringed Octopus on their face in this classic 1980’s spy movie. Theoretically I suppose this could work, though you are likely to get bitten in the process. Since it injects neuromuscular paralyzing venom that can kill a human in minutes, you won’t really get to enjoy your victory over the forces of evil for very long. Better to remove the bad guy’s shoes and point him in the direction of some stonefish instead.
They Freak Me Out On Land, Too – Sea snakes tend to favor the warm, fish-filled tropical waters that most scuba divers also like. Though shy unless provoked, a single snake produces enough poison to kill not only you, but the rest of the folks on your dive boat, too. Most are a normal snake size, but a few can grow to seven feet or more. I personally am sure that if I ran into a seven-foot sea snake while diving I would give up the sport right then and there.