Scuba Dive

NOAA via AP

This past Monday some scientists were floating along in the Gulf of Mexico off the Louisiana coast, when they realized, “Hey. We might have something bigger than a sardine in our trawling net.” The giant squid they caught was pretty surprised too, since the rapid rise to the surface caused him to leave this earth and go to that great ocean in the sky where curious scientists and the word “calamari” don’t exist.

After celebrating the life and death of this rare creature with marinara and a deep fryer, the scientists then brined it like a pickle and shipped it off to the Smithsonian Institution’s National Museum of Natural History where it will sit on a dusty shelf for all eternity next to Bigfoot and the New Jersey Devil. Though the published story did not elaborate on the mail delivery method, I have to imagine the act of filling out the UPS packing slip was an exercise in creative writing:

Contents: 1 Suckered Sea Monster
Weight: 103 pounds, but dehydrating by the minute
Special Delivery Instructions: Please ignore the dripping and the fishy smell, the package actually started out that way
Are Contents Dangerous?: At one time, but we took care of that