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Archive for the ‘Gear’ Category
There comes a time in every diver’s life when your usual dive buddy (wife, husband, partner in crime, lifelong friend, annoying neighbor, twin, etc.) is not able to make the trip, but you are determined to dive anyway. Not to be deterred from the lure of the sea, you boldly climb on the dive boat and start scrutinizing the other divers to see who is going to be your assigned buddy for the day. Sometimes it works out, and a new dive buddy/lifelong friend is made. But, more often then not, you get saddled with The Worst Dive Buddy, the butt of jokes and the basis of buddy comparison for all dives in the future. A few of the unfortunate buddy options:
ADOS Buddy – Attention Deficit…Ooooh Shiny. ADOS Buddy can’t seem to focus on anything for more than a second, making task completion and stimulating conversation impossible. You are the last pair to descend because he forgot his weight belt and has to climb back on the boat to get it. Underwater, curious things continuously pull his attention and his body in the polar opposite direction from you and the rest of the dive group. Before the boat pulls back to the dock he will ask you at least four times “What was the name of that reef that we just visited?” It is okay if you lose your temper with him – he won’t remember you tomorrow.
Scuba Steve Buddy – Scuba Steve knows it all (just look at the endless list of ScubaSteve Twitter sites). What starts out as some interesting ocean factoids on your ride to the reef quickly turns into an overwhelming dissertation about the mating habits of the humuhumunukunukuapuaa fish. He corrects the divemaster during the dive briefing, and wants to point out to you every bit of obscure fish sh*t he encounters during the dive. Note: you can usually tell Scuba Steve Buddy before he even opens his mouth: he’s the one with the enormous trapper-keeper dive log and seven sharpened pencils for recording the details.
I Love Scuba Buddy – This man is moved by the scuba spirit. You can appreciate his enthusiasm, but your hand starts to sting from all the high-5’s he keeps giving you. He claps at the end of the dive briefing. Fascinating underwater finds like seaweed and sand cause him to grab your arm and gesticulate excitedly. Warning: this man will whoop with joy and celebration the moment he breaks the surface at the end of the dive. Do not be alarmed – this is normal behavior for I Love Scuba Buddy, and not nitrogen narcosis.
Clueless Buddy – Has this person ever gone diving before? Clueless Buddy has no idea how to set up their gear, how to function on a dive boat, and even looks like he put on his swimsuit backwards. His weight belt is on the bench seat, he washed his soapy mask in the camera bucket, and he is gazing off into the sunset while a whole line of divers waits behind him to giant stride off the swim platform. Underwater, his hand gestures look like Kabuki Theater and he wants to fondle every living thing in the sea. Fortunately, the fire coral teaches him a lesson before you have to.
Neoprene is not the most forgiving of fabrics...
I’ve braved hungry sharks, roaring currents, and unidentifiable dive boat food. My dive buddy is known for pushing me in front of approaching predators with big teeth while he makes a quick getaway behind me. On the whole, I am a pretty adventurous diver, not easily intimidated underwater. But, I have never been able to conquer my fear of the great scuba diving beast: my wetsuit.
My concern falls into two categories: not having it on me and having it on me. First, similar to chocolate and my big brown dog, I need a wetsuit. Without it, no matter how similar the ocean temperature is to bath water, I get cold and then move to a shivering state faster than an octopus can strip a tasty clam. In a last ditch effort to warm up I will swim back and forth like a crazed tuna, a maneuver that has gotten me “rescued” several times by dive masters thinking I was out of my gourd.
Dive boat personnel frequently get a chuckle out of my space suit. “You don’t need that thing,” they say. “There are enough monsters in the sea already!” Easy there, buddy. I didn’t make fun of your mismatching shoes or bad taste in tequila. I know my limitations, especially when it comes to body temperature, so I schlep my 4mm suit with me to all dive locations no matter how small my suitcase needs to be. 1 pair of shorts, 2 shirts, 1 case of M&Ms, 1 wetsuit, and 2 weeks: no problem!
Which brings me to my second category of concern: the suits are, by design, tighter than NYC rush hour traffic. They usually have a zipper, put there like bait to lure the diver into thinking they actually have a chance at getting into the suit. I have heard that powder can sometimes enable the process, but no amount of talc could help me win this battle of The Bulge.
Once on, the neoprene acts like kryptonite for a diver’s positive self image of their body. It is so tight, one would think it acts like a girdle. But, no. Every hot fudge sundae and grilled cheese (with bacon) transgression is highlighted by the silhouette of the black suit against the white background of the inside of the boat. I’m pretty sure it was a very thin woman’s idea to paint it white in the first place. I try to overcome the inner tube effect by sucking it in until I realize there are some body parts that will not appear smaller no matter how much I deplete the atmosphere.
But then, the other divers on the boat put on their vests, specially crafted jackets that can be inflated with air for buoyancy. Suddenly we are all equal again, an army of strange sea life covered in lumpy gear shuffling towards the back of the boat in our fins. Splash! I’m in, floating towards the Technicolor reef below, my surface insecurities far behind me. Never have I felt, or looked, so good.
Lake Tahoe, Nevada – Known for its topside winter fun, the depths of Lake Tahoe are frequently overlooked. Savvy divers know that the fun extends below the lake’s surface. Wrecks and interesting underwater rock formations provide hours of scuba entertainment. And, at 52 degrees (thanks, Strictly Scuba for that weather report!) the lake makes a great place to learn drysuit diving. And don’t say the locals lack a sense of humor – the Northern Nevada Dive Club just sponsored an underwater pumpkin carving event.
Detroit, Michigan – Winter comes quick in this northern clime, so scuba divers need to be creative to get their underwater fix. Dive companies, like Scuba Centers of Michigan, offer heated pools and an extensive list of certification classes to hone your skills. Lacking a nearby ocean, frequent quarry diving trips make everyone appreciate their next tropical vacation just a little bit more. And, dive centers put more effort into planning group trips to exotic diving locals so you don’t have to do the trip legwork – you just sign up and go diving!
Bonne Terre Mine, Missouri- Sixty miles south of St. Louis, the Bonne Terre Mine, active from 1870 to 1960, lies flooded and ready for adventurous divers. 500,000 watts of lighting illuminate the 24 dive trails that snake through the mine’s billion gallons of water (which stays a constant 58º F year round.) Divers tour natural phenomenon like calcium falls and rock pillars as well as manmade items like abandoned machinery and mining hand tools. It is such a unique experience that even Jacques Cousteau took the plunge here.
Washington State Coast – Incredible shore dives, dense kelp forests, and convenient offshore islands lure drysuit divers to this well kept secret year round. Hordes of octopi, wolf eels, rockfish, giant anemones, and seals delight divers willing to take the chilly plunge. Underwater playgrounds like Fort Casey Underwater Park and Edmonds Underwater Park are laid out for divers, using ropes and buoys to mark the “trails.” A variety of scuba shops both big and small offer divemaster-led trips or gear rental for do-it-yourselfers.
Yes, there is actually an octopus in there, sleeping (in the center...keep looking...)
There is just something…misplaceable about dive gear. When you buy various scuba gadgets you never think, now this I’m going to lose quick. But invariably it happens, that moment when you think crap, where did I put that? I personally have found that unless something is taped, glued or stapled to my immediate person, I will most likely part with said object (sometimes even faster than it took me to buy it in the first place.) There is either a peaceful heaven where all my lost gear resides or a greedy guy on e-bay profiting on my absentmindedness. In any case the following is “the lost items I miss the most” list, an electronic representation of pet posters stapled to every tree in the neighborhood. If you see any of these items, please tell them I miss them.
Lost: Epoque 0.56x Wide Angle Lens Cap
Last Seen: L’Ilot, Seychelles, floating around in the cruddy water in the boat hull
I was so excited to see the whalesharks that I flung the cap in the direction of my backpack and dove into the water with the beasts. Looks like I might have left a souvenir for the fishies. The lens has lived in a (clean) sock ever since.
Lost: One beloved, size 10, rubber soled booty
Last Seen: My garage
These hard bottomed beauties were well known for keeping the warmth in and urchin spines out. Perhaps I didn’t show this favorite footwear my true feelings and drove it to hide in the back of the cupboard with the WD-40 and the azalea fertilizer. I am still hoping this one comes back to me.
Lost: Reefmaster Dive Computer
Last Seen: South Shore, Kauai
A great example of a toy that took longer to order than it took to lose. To this day my dive (which started two years ago) is still being recorded in 10 feet of water off the beach near Sheraton Caverns. Note: when the packaging says “Ensure thorough fastening of device” they aren’t kidding.
Lost: My reputation as fish scout
Last Seen: Pedernales Wreck, Aruba
I am known for spotting things underwater, especially camouflaged critters. But on this trip my spouse found not one, but two octopi before I was barely even in the water. I will never hear the end of this one.
At a party last night I was trying to explain the finer points of underwater communications to a non-diver. Though I found the conversation stimulating, I’m pretty sure I did a bad job, since I left the party phone-numberless. I’ve revised my thoughts into the highlights below.
Highlights of Underwater Communication
Signal: one hand, fist clenched, thumb pointing up
Meaning: I want to surface now because I am: tired, hungry, low on air, bored, needing a margarita, or I just don’t like diving with you anymore.
Signal: hand held flat, palm down, making a sawing motion across the neck
Meaning: I’m out of air. Unless I sprout gills I’ll be dead soon.
Signal: hand held flat, fingers pointing up on the top of the head like a shark fin
Meaning: A shark fin. Rest of shark attached. Swim fast.
Signal: hand held flat, palm touching mouth
Meaning: I am low on air. I am about to rip your air regulator out of your mouth so I can use it. Or, you can pass it to me. Your choice.
Signal: index and middle finger touching the mask, then pointing outwards at an object
Meaning: There is something very interesting that you must see. Ha, ha, I saw it first.
At a party last night I was trying to explain the finer points of underwater communications to a non-diver. Though I found the conversation stimulating, I’m pretty sure I did a bad job, since I left the party phone-numberless. I’ve revised my thoughts into the highlights below.
Highlights of Underwater Communication
Signal: one hand, fist clenched, thumb pointing up
Meaning: I want to surface now because I am: tired, hungry, low on air, bored, needing a margarita, or I just don’t like diving with you anymore.
Signal: hand held flat, palm down, making a sawing motion across the neck
Meaning: I’m out of air. Unless I sprout gills I’ll be dead soon.
Signal: hand held flat, fingers pointing up on the top of the head like a shark fin
Meaning: A shark fin. Rest of shark attached. Swim fast.
Signal: hand held flat, palm touching mouth
Meaning: I am low on air. I am about to rip your air regulator out of your mouth so I can use it. Or, you can pass it to me. Your choice.
Signal: index and middle finger touching the mask, then pointing outwards at an object
Meaning: There is something very interesting that you must see. Ha, ha, I saw it first.
There comes a time in every diver’s life when your usual dive buddy (wife, husband, partner in crime, lifelong friend, annoying neighbor, twin, etc.) is not able to make the trip, but you are determined to dive anyway. Not to be deterred from the lure of the sea, you boldly climb on the dive boat and start scrutinizing the other divers to see who is going to be your assigned buddy for the day. Sometimes it works out, and a new dive buddy/lifelong friend is made. But, more often then not, you get saddled with The Worst Dive Buddy, the butt of jokes and the basis of buddy comparison for all dives in the future. A few of the unfortunate buddy options:
ADOS Buddy – Attention Deficit…Ooooh Shiny. ADOS Buddy can’t seem to focus on anything for more than a second, making task completion and stimulating conversation impossible. You are the last pair to descend because he forgot his weight belt and has to climb back on the boat to get it. Underwater, curious things continuously pull his attention and his body in the polar opposite direction from you and the rest of the dive group. Before the boat pulls back to the dock he will ask you at least four times “What was the name of that reef that we just visited?” It is okay if you lose your temper with him – he won’t remember you tomorrow.
Scuba Steve Buddy – Scuba Steve knows it all (just look at the endless list of ScubaSteve Twitter sites). What starts out as some interesting ocean factoids on your ride to the reef quickly turns into an overwhelming dissertation about the mating habits of the humuhumunukunukuapuaa fish. He corrects the divemaster during the dive briefing, and wants to point out to you every bit of obscure fish sh*t he encounters during the dive. Note: you can usually tell Scuba Steve Buddy before he even opens his mouth: he’s the one with the enormous trapper-keeper dive log and seven sharpened pencils for recording the details.
I Love Scuba Buddy – This man is moved by the scuba spirit. You can appreciate his enthusiasm, but your hand starts to sting from all the high-5’s he keeps giving you. He claps at the end of the dive briefing. Fascinating underwater finds like seaweed and sand cause him to grab your arm and gesticulate excitedly. Warning: this man will whoop with joy and celebration the moment he breaks the surface at the end of the dive. Do not be alarmed – this is normal behavior for I Love Scuba Buddy, and not nitrogen narcosis.
Clueless Buddy – Has this person ever gone diving before? Clueless Buddy has no idea how to set up their gear, how to function on a dive boat, and even looks like he put on his swimsuit backwards. His weight belt is on the bench seat, he washed his soapy mask in the camera bucket, and he is gazing off into the sunset while a whole line of divers waits behind him to giant stride off the swim platform. Underwater, his hand gestures look like Kabuki Theater and he wants to fondle every living thing in the sea. Fortunately, the fire coral teaches him a lesson before you have to.
An embarassing photographic moment when we realized this was actually 2 sea creatures...
Announcing our Best Dive Stories Contest!
Send us your most unique critter sightings, your funniest moments, the most embarassing thing you’ve seen (or done!) on a dive boat – in short your BEST DIVE STORY!
1st place winner will receive: a Canon G10 w/ Housing with a Sea & Sea YS17 Strobe
The best of the entries will be posted here on the scuba-dive.org blog. Contest ends November 1, 2009. Entries will be judged by the writers and editors at scuba-dive.org.
”If only I could make money at scuba diving, then I could do it all the time!”
Divers across the globe lament time and time again as they pack up their gear to return home at the end of their dive trips. Actually, many jobs involve scuba beyond the obvious occupations: dive shop owner (too costly), dive instructor (too many mask flood drills), and dive master (too many foolish people in the sea). A few positions to consider:
Federal stimulus dollar recipient – An opportunity to recoup the tax dollars you “donated” to the economy! The Northwest Marine Conservation Initiative received $4.6 million in stimulus funds to recover most of the nets on the bottom of Puget Sound, and is using the funds to hire divers to remove the ensnaring debris. Make money, scuba dive and save the environment, all at the same time. Next you can conquer world hunger…
“Whatever you do, don’t push the red button” Tester – Thousands of new scuba gear products come out each year (hopefully) well tested by their manufacturer. Become a product tester and reap the rewards of free scuba stuff! Note: demand actual currency compensation for any product testing that involves neon neoprene or gear that combusts upon incorrect button selection.
Aquarium Marriage Proposal Delivery Person – You know those viral YouTube videos shot in aquariums where a scuba diver swims up to a couple at the tank window with a “Will you marry me?” sign? Yes, that can be you (holding the sign I mean, I can’t guarantee someone wants to marry you). Other scuba responsibilities include cleaning the fake rock and avoiding being eaten by the agitated hammerhead recently introduced to the tank.
GI Joe/Jane Diver – Fulfill your James Bond fantasies (tux and martinis not included) by doing underwater surveillance for the military. Job may include the opportunity to use the latest in scuba technology (fun) and the opportunity to clear mines (not so fun). Combine your hobbies for a blast of excitement!