Scuba Dive

Bigfoot would never be seen in the ocean - he doesn't like getting his hairy feet wet.

The myths and stories surrounding the oceans color our view of the beauty (and the horror) of the saline depths.  Legends such as Ahab and the Whale, 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea, The Bermuda Triangle, Jaws, James Bond, and Jessica Alba in a wetsuit/scuba gear have all played a part in shaping our modern day perception of the seas, for better or for worse.

The idea of scuba diving in the oceans seems to elicit particularly strong opinions from most people, usually falling into two categories: “way cool” or “hell no.”  Though I am probably biased, the people falling into the “hell no” category usually rely upon a scuba or ocean misconception to support their perspective.  Below are some of the better ones I have heard.

I don’t want to try diving because…

“Sasquatch of the Sea may come get me.”

It is silly to think that man is aware of everything that lives in the ocean.  New species are being identified all the time.  But the notion that an aquatic version of Sasquatch is going to pop out from behind the next coral head is more cinema than science.  Sailors swearing they saw mermaids most likely viewed narwhals.  The Loch Ness Monster was a cardboard cutout.  I’m not being cynical, just logical (unless of course I’m on a night dive, then all bets are off and I’m sure Nessie is right behind me.)  And, if (on the off chance) a mystical beast does live in the seas, surely it has something better to do than to look for me or another diver, like avoiding photographers from the Enquirer.

“I will be eaten by a giant ______.”  (Fill in the blank: octopus, shark, man-eating conch, radioactive seahorse, etc.)

Jacques Cousteau once said that “Man, of all the animals, is the only one to consider himself a great delicacy.”  Just because there are some large predatory animals living in the oceans does not mean that they are gunning for every diver that jumps in.  Divers, in general, are too big and too loud (i.e. intimidating) for most creatures to consider us a food source.  Not to mention that a human’s bone/muscle mass to fat ratio is darn near indigestible and definitely not appetizing, even to a great white shark.  This is not to say caution be damned: I would advise against bronco riding a bull shark and parading about the sea floor with an octopus as a fashion accessory.  But, to answer the question from countless co-workers, airplane seatmates, relatives, and even the little old lady who walks her chihuahua by my house every day at 9am, no, I am not concerned that something will eat me while scuba diving.

“Banana hammocks and wet suits are required to go diving.”

To many, scuba garb can be more intimidating than jumping into a sea of sharks.  Contrary to popular (but misinformed) belief, a nut-hugging speedo and fat-magnifying wetsuit are not required to scuba dive, though some divers do embrace the look.  Most divers just wear what is comfortable to them.  After all, the fish really don’t care what you look like and most dive boats are happily devoid of mirrors.

“If it isn’t the Great Barrier Reef, it isn’t worth diving.”

Talk to an enthusiastic non-diver, and they will eventually ask you if you have dived the GBR, apparently the perceived Shangri-la of diving sites against which all destinations pale.  Since when did the Great Barrier Reef become the Magna Cum Laude of the diving world?  Perhaps it was 30 years ago when that was the pinnacle of dive options.  Times have changed, mate.  Is the GBR nice?  Sure.  Are there other destinations across the globe that are better?  Yes!  A diver can explore fascinating, historic wrecks in places like the Baltic Sea and off the coast of the Carolinas.  We can swim with pods of manta rays in Yap and dolphins in Puerto Rico.  The Cenotes of Mexico bring a whole mystic vibe to diving while the ruins that sit in the water off of Alexandria, Egypt allow a diver to bubble inches from a Wonder of the Ancient World.  The world is full of great dives, some tough, some scenic, all fantastic.  Chances are, great diving exists right in every diver’s backyard, no passport needed.

“Divers all have 3-day old stubble, a bad crew cut and a tattoo that says Mom.”

I’m pretty sure that the people holding this belief also mentioned the GBR thing.  Yes, once upon a time scuba was reserved for the “heartiest” of humans who grunted and spat, while grabbing their god-given jewels before entering the water.  Also, there was a time when most people thought the world was flat.  So…has anything Nostradamus promised come to fruition lately?  No?  Then let’s let go of this Neanderthal notion of diving, shall we?  Most dive boats hold a healthy combination of divers that are old and young, male and female, and (possibly concerningly) a wide variety of physical fitness.  Scuba diving is now done (literally) on the 4 corners of the globe in every language you can name.  I will say, however, that many die-hard divers have aquatic themed tattoos.  Why?  I have no idea, other than their conviction for the sea.  I don’t have one myself, but am shopping for one now.  I’m thinking a whaleshark with a wave.  Maybe a Mom whaleshark?